The bloodied and mud bedraggled soldier burst into President Abraham Lincoln’s office and blurted, “The Confederacy has just engaged in legitimate political discourse on Ft. Sumpter, sir!”     Annoyed by having his concentration disturbed, Lincoln cried out, “My God, man, I just had this wonderful synonym for the number 80 right on the tip […]

   Professor Emmett Lazer, who led the Stanford University Dept. Of Physics to a number of Nobel Prize nominations, has been fired, according to Academics Director Lance Andrew “Slim” Pickens. “We feel it was time to move in another vector,” Pickens told ESPN in an interview earlier today.    The firing literally sent shock waves […]