The couch this is me

I am now identifying as “This”

October 28, 2022

   Carol was explaining to her daughter a recent couch move in our living room. Pointing toward the end of the couch where I’m normally found and happened to be at that moment, she said, “This one sags.” Mind you, I was wearing a shirt which color matched that of the couch, a shirt that clings and therefore reveals my girth. So it might well have been that when Carol pointed toward that end of the couch and said, “This one sags,” her daughter would be correct in thinking her mother was commenting on me as much as the couch cushion upon which I sat.

    In this non- binary age of ” gender repronouning” (not bad, huh?) that we find ourselves, I am part of what I hope to be is a burgeoning new New Age subculture known as non-animate. We are refusing to be restricted to being one or the other of either animate or inanimate objects. In my specific case, it is immaterial to me when you point to me sitting on the couch and say, “This one sags,” whether you are referring to me or the cushion I’m sagging on. I’m comfortable with either objectification, and remain steadfast in my indeterminate state of animation. I believe it is high time that my sagging be accepted as a life choice, rather than an affliction I must be cured of. I will refuse any effort to “fix” me in my indeterminate animation through any form of interventions, such as joining a gym or blinking therapy.

    In this non- binary age of ” gender repronouning” (not bad, huh?) that we find ourselves, I am part of what I hope to be is a burgeoning new New Age subculture known as non-animate

   I think these efforts will go a long way in destigmatizing the current crop of unwoke terms of description, such as “couch potato” or “slug.” A potato is an essential part of a balanced diet, and a slug is an essential part of a healthy garden. These terms needn’t become disparaging ones just because this particular potato or slug is usually found squishing a couch cushion.

   Thus, “This one sags,” freed from its self-limiting meaning, becomes life affirming. Sagging transcends to the joyous experience of slouching that it has every right to be. There wouldn’t be much in the way of advocacy or activism that would be required to promote tolerance and acceptance either. As far as participatory sports are concerned, most of us who sag don’t go in for participatory sports in the first place. And in the area of public accommodations, it would be great if more bars and restaurants provided lounge type seating with squishy cushions, but I really don’t see much happening in the way of disruptive protests here, since that tends to involve a lot of marching and sign carrying, which runs counter to sagging. 

   Ours would be a quiet almost inanimate revolution. You’d never know we were ever there, except when it comes time to switch the cushions, or to get up to go to the bathroom, in which we’d ask for one small modification. All toilet seats will be cushioned.

   This is who I want to be. “This” is who I am.

  1. Bonnie says:

    I love this. I have often described myself as a slug, but on my recent trip to Seattle and Hawaii, my fitness instructor daughter and anxiety prone sister, who lives at a high altitude, forced me to “hike.” When I list the things I most like to do on vacation, hiking is never on the list. I will walk, as long as the walk is of reasonable length, on reasonably easy terrain, and with stops at refreshment stations. It helps if they are cultural sights to see. But no, we hiked approximately 500 feet down into the volcano, which meant, of course, that we had to hike back up. It was not a reasonable length, not on easy terrain, there were no apparent art works or notable architecture, and there certainly were no refreshments.

  2. Mary Wonderlick says:

    Extraordinary. The opinion of this.

  3. Fred Shriner says:

    Great narrative!!! I’m Suzi McCoy’s husband. Thanks for the info on your trip to Iceland. We had a great time!

    • Thanks Fred. Happy you and Suzi got to see that wonderful country. We loved every day of our trip there.

      • Bonnie says:

        A friend of mine is just returning from Iceland, and although she loved the sights, she said that they really do not like American tourists. I can understand that because I don’t particularly like American tourists either, and I have been known to travel as a Canadian, Did you encounter such animosity?

        • None at all. But when we went travel was just opening up again after covid-19. Even tourists offices were closed because of a lack of tourists. I think they were happy to see anyone. But now that the gates are open again, I think it may have changed.
          I follow an iceland travel site, and judging by many of the questions being asked, most travelers there from all countries are complete idiots.

          • When Carol and I met for the first time, she asked me why I travel. “What are you looking for?” And I said, “nothing.” After four years of traveling together, she knows now I wasn’t kidding.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *