When Ernest Hemingway faced the existential crisis that he couldn’t write anymore, he blew his brains out. When Fran Lebowitz realized she couldn’t write anymore, she simply devolved to what she loved the most anyway, which apparently was smoking cigarettes and talking to people. Both managed to maintain mystiques beyond their years of fame, […]

   Nothing will take you back to the nineteenth century faster than a refrigerator on the fritz. (One might argue it’s today’s Republican Party, but that would be the sixteenth.)    One night a week ago, I opened the freezer for our ice cream night. (non-wine nights are generally ice cream nights.) The Gelato was […]

   If I were ever to have a bonkers food dream, where I went from one Italian restaurant after another, eating a full meal of sturdy, al dente pasta and buttery meat sauce at each one and never getting full – or fat, I’ve been to the place where that dream will likely be set. […]

   Carol noted one evening recently how around this time we tend to share stories of our departed spouses more frequently than other times of the year. April is the month that Mike died in an automobile accident, and also the month Carolyn was admitted to the hospital for treatment of leukemia from which she […]

   I once played golf with a fellow golf writer (there’s a hint right there that this story is not about integrity) who had made no secret of his single-digit handicap.    As our round began, I could see nothing off the tee or from the fairway that would suggest the skill of an accomplished […]

   Near the first tee at what would become the Valley Forge Golf Club, Washington, Jefferson and Madison pawed at the ground.    “He’s late again,” Washington said, eyeing the position of their ball in relation to the other foursomes in line. “We’re going to lose our place in the rack.”    “It’s not crowded,” […]

FETUS: What now? What’s with the hand pushing? It feels heavy. MOM: You were kicking again, Sweetie. I like feeling it. FETUS: So? That’s what I do. In fact, it’s all I know how to do. Leave me alone. MOM: We can’t help it. We’re excited. Your due date is tomorrow. FETUS: What’s a due […]

My idea was to find a Hollywood hotel that was walking distance from the theater we’d be attending, with the rim shot being a sweet Italian eatery halfway between. My aspiration in traveling to a big city is always to park the car and leave it parked until it’s time to go home. Carol’s aspiration […]

ACT I SCENE 1 Interior day. Living room. Kitchen is visible at stage left. An elderly man HARRY is standing and an elderly woman MIDGE is seated.                 HARRY     Now where did I put my keys ?                 MIDGE     Why do you need your keys?                 HARRY     Please, Midge, one crisis at […]

   We both agreed the two main actresses in the movie were familiar. Carol Googled both, but neither had been in anything we’d seen. About 20 minutes into the movie, we both could predict what was going to happen next. It hit both of us at the same time: we’d already seen this movie. Well, […]